Ask Better Questions About School
Better back-to-school questions take some care with young children.
Good questions are open-ended enough to leave space for elaboration of thought and continuing back-and-forth dialogue, and specific enough to help your child concretize their day.
Be mindful about asking questions that give your child little place to go - particularly those that elicit a yes or no response.
Questions should be much more than transactional - ‘did you use the bathroom?’ ‘did you have snack?’ ‘did you go to the playground?’ are all transactional yes/no questions.
Questions should also be clear and concrete for the young child. ‘How did you feel?’ is a very vague and abstract question for a young child. ‘Did you make any friends?’ is the same and places unnecessary social pressure on a young child. ‘Did you learn anything at school today?’ is likewise not concrete enough for a young child who lives in the moment during their schoolday, in the midst of a stimulating and dynamic setting.
Here are some better questions to ask young children!
About activities…
Did you see any good books in the book basket in your classroom? Did you have a favorite today? What did you like about it?
What color paints were out in the easel this morning? Did you feel like painting? Which colors did you use?
Can you think of a fun song you sang this morning? With whom did you sing it? Where did you sing it? What song could we sing together on the way home?
What was your classroom pet doing this morning?
About social life…
Was there anybody you wanted to work or play with today? What did you want to do together? Were you able to spend some time with them?
Did any of your friends ask for your help today? Were you able to help them? How? Was there any help you wanted from a friend? What kind?
Will you tell me about who you spent time with on the playground today? What did you enjoy doing together?
Were any of your friends feeling sad or upset today? What do you think could help them?
Was it anybody’s birthday today? How did you celebrate? Did you learn anything new about them?
About your child’s teacher…
What did you like doing best with Ms. Sarah today?
What would you like to do with Ms. Sarah tomorrow?
Can you think of a book that you read with Ms. Sarah today? What was the book about?
What colors was Ms. Sarah wearing today?
I wonder if Ms. Sarah has a favorite color/any pets/ brothers or sisters. Want to ask her tomorrow?
About snack time…
Did you choose to have snack today?
What foods did you have?
Which did you like best?
What did you like about it?
Are there any foods you’d like to share for snack at school?
About using the bathroom…
How did you use the bathroom today? (This could include washing hands, using the toilet, blowing your nose, checking your face...)
Was anything different from our bathroom at home?
Was there anything that helped you in the bathroom, like a stool to stand on, or some wipes, or anyone, like a teacher? What did they help with?
Was there anything you didn’t like about the bathroom?
About the playground…
What did you feel like doing on the playground?
What was your favorite thing to do? What did you like about it?
Which area of the playground do you like best? What do you like about it?
Did any friends join you to play together? What was your favorite part of playing together?
About belongings/clothing…
Did the classroom feel warm or cool to you today, or just right? Did you choose to wear your sweater inside today?
What did you keep in your cubby today?
Was there any help you needed with changing shoes or hanging up your jacket?
Did you leave anything in your cubby today?
After your child answers, affirm their response back to them in a complete sentence. ‘You had apples and cheese for snack today!’ ‘Your favorite thing about school was going on the slide this morning!’ ‘You can offer comfort to Elena by bringing her a tissue tomorrow if she cries.’
These questions take practice and patience.
Be calmly interested and contentedly engaged.
Don’t leave your child feeling quizzed or like what happened at school is a big deal.
If you want more details about the day, be in touch with your teacher to learn more. And note that these questions are about building relationship with your child and helping them feel that home and school are not two separate worlds. Do not use them as behavior checks, as informal surveillance on the classroom, etc!
Ask these deliberately through the first weeks of school, and you will see your child’s capacity to answer them grow. Return to them consistently.
What questions will you ask your child today?
Lastly, I have shared books that support you in asking and answering questions about school here!