Fostering a Relationship with Your Child’s Teacher

As the school year is underway, I want to talk with you about how to foster a relationship with your child’s teachers.

Positive teacher-student relationships are uniquely correlated with greater learning outcomes, emotional intelligence, and well-being.

So how do we foster these relationships?

As a parent, there are several key steps you can take.

First, communicate with your teachers. Teachers want to hear from you, want you to reach out to share what’s on your mind. So just be in touch consistently, even if your teacher is not reaching out to you. Teachers balance long to-do lists, particularly at the beginning of the school year.This will help build a relationship in the midst of the busyness.

As you communicate, share details with your teachers. Describe who you know your child to be - their preferences, their discomforts, their joys. As a teacher, I always wanted to know - and sought to learn - these quotidian details. I would find ways to weave them into conversations so that children will feel known by me, which helped them feel comfortable and connected at school. Does your child love chocolate? Tell them. Do they have a beloved grandmother who often does pick-up, who goes by the name of Moodle? Tell your teacher! Do they have a passion for sharks? Share this. A lot of times, parents overlook sharing these details - you are so close to them that you don’t think of them much, or you think your teacher may not want to know. Trust me, we do.

I also advise that you share your authentic reality, in an appropriate way. You do not need to present an ideal image to your teacher, and you do want them to be informed of real challenges your child is facing at home. When parents shared real struggles with me - from bedtime to toileting to listening to feeding to siblings, and everything in between - I always appreciated this. It was key context for me that allowed me to better support their child. Conversely, when you are not transparent about challenges, you are doing your child, and your teacher, a disservice. We teachers usually know when something is amiss, but won’t know why unless you share with us. Once we know, we can potentially help you problem-solve much more quickly, and your child will benefit. This also goes for important pieces like a family history of learning differences, relational dynamics, and significant events like a loss in the family or a specific challenge that all have the potential to impact your child.

Share your concerns, too. Be respectful and take the time to process your concerns independently as the adult that you are - you don’t need to be in touch about everything, and you should have regard for your teacher’s schedule. But if something is on your mind regarding your child’s experience at school - be that socially, developmentally, etc - talk with your teacher. Ask for more information and seek to be in dialogue if you find yourself wondering or worrying about a particular topic. Perhaps you witnessed something at pick-up, or your child told you a story that didn’t sit right about an exchange at school. Maybe you are wondering what you can do to help your child better handle their frustration, or how you can help prepare your child for reading. Talk with your teacher.

Next, communicate your appreciation - and be specific. Teachers face many obstacles right now - including historically high classroom demands. When you articulate that you value their specific contributions to your child’s life, it means a great deal to an educator. So be specific. Do you notice that your teacher consistently speaks to your child with gentle respect? Tell them. Do you love to see a smile on her face at drop-off every morning, and her playful demeanor in walking your child up the steps? Tell her! Are you amazed that she helped your child learn to read, or that she makes sure the children always have access to wonderful books? Tell your teacher! If you aren’t able to get specific, consider that, too. Give more attention to what your child is experiencing at school.

These steps go a long way towards fostering that positive teacher-student dynamic that brings such clear benefits to your child. Do your part as a parent and help foster a warm, connected relationship with your child’s teacher this school year.