Serve and Return

Any adult’s capacity to connect with and support young children largely comes down to a concept called ‘serve and return.’

This means looking for interest and responding to it.

Parents and caregivers do not need to be constantly available to young children, but they do need to be capable of engaging in a specific way.

A lot of the time, parents know that they should be responsive - but they aren’t skillful about how to do this.

What tends to happen is a lot of over-affirmation - ‘good job! you built it!’ - or surface level commentary - ‘those are pretty flowers/that’s a cool animal.’

It’s important to look at this carefully, because the way you respond to your child is a major component of their development. The Center on the Developing Child at Harvard states that:

“When caregivers are sensitive and responsive to a young child’s signals and needs, they provide an environment rich in serve and return experiences...Building the capabilities of adult caregivers can help strengthen the environment of relationships essential to children’s lifelong learning, health, and behavior.”

How can you create a dynamic of healthy responsiveness?

1. Notice the serve and share the child‘s focus of attention.

2. Return the serve by supporting and encouraging.

3. Give it a name / attach meaningful language.

4. Take turns and wait so the interaction goes back and forth.

5. Practice endings and beginnings.

So what does serve and return sound like?

Example: Constructing with Blocks at Home

1. You want to build with with the blocks!

2. Would you like to build together for a few minutes? Let‘s see what we could create together with these blocks. Do you think we could create a very tall structure?

3. We call a tall structure a tower.

4. What color should we add next to our tower? Does it feel finished? I wonder if it is as tall as the coffee table. What do you think? You could build a second tower beside it if you like.

5. It‘s time for me to go start dinner. You can keep building, or we can clean up together. Which would you like to do?

Example: Flowers at the Park

1. I noticed you seem interested in the flowers.

2. Let‘s look at them closely together. You can touch the stem gently.

3. This type of flower is called a daffodil. Let‘s say that together. Daffodil. What colors do you see in this flower?

4. I wonder how many daffodils we can count here. Let‘s count them slowly (point or touch clearly as you go). 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.

5. Are you ready to walk to the car now? Let‘s go together.

Example: Reading a Story

1. I saw you were looking at this picture carefully.

2. Let‘s look at this illustration together. What do you see?

3. Were you wondering about that animal? That‘s the one we read about called a komodo dragon. They are very large reptiles.

4. Can you see the komodo dragon‘s scales? What about its sharp teeth?Can you think of any other reptiles? Let‘s think together....

5. It seems like we are ready to turn the page now. What do you think?

While this strategy may seem simple, you’d be surprised by how often adults skip these steps!

Try this at home and watch for more substantive engagement and a stronger sense of relationship.