The Space Between
As I sat in the park working with my sweet German Shepherd recently, I considered the space between stimulus and response and the importance of observation.
Victor Frankl is often credited with describing this space; the reality is that it was translated through the lens of Stephen R. Covey. Regardless, the anecdote is a meaningful one to consider:
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
Especially as we engage with young children.
Consciousness of this space can change your capacity as a parent.
How to expand that space is a key question as we seek to translate ideas into action. And a powerful tool in this process is observation, which asks you to step back and pay attention to gain perspective.
I worked on this space intentionally with children in the classroom over many years. Observation was consistently the best tool in my kit.
When we are too close a situation, we are not standing on higher, more perceptive ground. It is easy to find faults and frustrations; we spontaneously react to situations, instead of consciously responding to them.
It is easy to get into the futility of management, without understanding your child’s developmental work.
But if you can step back, you will make discoveries that amaze you about the ways your child is engaging with their world.
To develop that quiet space as a parent, intentionally observe your child without involving yourself in their experience in any way for a moment.
Just watch and be curious.
Notice any impulse to manage, modify, improve, solve, or label what you see, or to check out with your mental to-do list.
Can you take 2, 5, or 10 minutes to consciously observe today? Set a timer to see what it feels like to fully attend. Just like with quieting your thoughts through a mindfulness practice, it can be challenging or calming, and may even feel a little bit boring at times, but trust me when I say that is is worth your while.
A consistent practice of observation allows you to grow that space of calm, and liberates you.